A question that I receive on a daily basis is, “How did you learn to love and accept your body?” Or some variation of that. It stings a little bit at first, because it is a reminder that not everyone values my body the way I do now. And it hurts my heart a bit that others may still be fighting a daily battle of self loathing.
Learning to love yourself is not an easy process, in any body shape. But especially when you have a larger body that society continues to tell you is not beautiful, healthy or at all acceptable. But this is YOUR LIFE you are living, and YOUR BODY, and no one has the right to tell you how you should feel about yourself.
We have been trained and conditioned our entire lives to hate every little thing about our bodies, hair, skin and face and fed lie after lie that we need to change in order to be valued, loved, cherished and respected. And it is hard to break free of that.
I had gone down a particularly self depricating rant to my husband two years ago, and he looked me dead in the eye and said, “You need to stop talking about yourself like this. I love you, and you are saying horrible things about the person who is most important to me.” Lightbulb!
We would never say half the things we say to ourselves in the mirror to our best friend, and probably not even to some of our worst enemies. But for some reason, it is completely acceptable to rip every piece of our bodies and selves apart from top to bottom. And it needs to stop.
It is hard work to unlearn all of the false truths that we have been taught for years, but it is so worth it. To release the guilt and hate is so empowering. I really don’t think I started living my life until I decided that enough was enough.
10 Things You Can Do Today to Change Your Relationship With Your Body
- Say something nice each time you look in the mirror. Do away with the “if you don’t have something nice to say, say nothing at all” and instead find something that you can compliment. And make it different every single day. But every time you walk past a mirror, stop and compliment that same thing for the entire day.
- Take care of your body. This might mean a workout today and blow drying your hair tomorrow. Or painting your nails or even shaving your legs. But do something specifically for your physical body every day to give it some extra love.
- Start a gratitude journal for your body. Before you hop out of bed or start scrolling IG, open up a note on your phone or a pen and paper on your bed and write down three things you are grateful for. One should be about your body, one about your mind/self, and one other thing. Start focusing on what you do have vs what you wish you had.
- Cut out the negativity. This one can be hard sometimes, because it often involves having tough conversations with people we love. But if there is someone you love in your life that makes you feel less than (you mom telling you to watch your weight, your friend always lamenting her stretch marks, or a coworker asking why you are having cream in your morning coffee instead of almond milk). It is time to let them know that you are NOT interested in hearing these things anymore and you would like them to leave their opinions at the door.
- Change up your feed. We live a lot of our lives online, and social media can either be uplifting or a dark and swirly hole. Unfollow all of the people who make you feel bad about yourself. Even if you don’t know why. Start following people who look like you, and people who don’t! Diversify your feed and bring beauty and light into your social media space. Realize that there is no “beauty standard.”
- Realize that your body and its weight or shape is just one tiny piece of your very complex puzzle. Just like your job, your home, your jeans or your bank account don’t define you, neither does your body. You are the sum of your parts, and what is truly important are NONE OF THESE THINGS.
- Accept the compliments. It took a lot of practice to be able to just say “thank you!” when someone said something nice to me. Both online and in real life. But when someone pays you a compliment, don’t brush it off or turn it into some self deprecating joke. Appreciate it. Savor it. Enjoy it. And say, “Thank you.”
- Realize it is ok to not LOVE every inch of your body. You can love and appreciate your body without liking a few parts of it. I don’t know if I will ever LOVE my stomach, but I have made peace with it, and know that I am more than the rolls in my midsection. Acceptance is just as important as love.
- Stop comparing yourself. You are not the same person as she is. You are not in the same game. You are not even on the same planet. Your body and your journey is yours alone and has ZERO to do with those around you. Kill the green monster and focus on yourself.
- Find yourself. And your style. I had no idea what clothes I even liked until I decided I was worthy of finding out. Dress for yourself. Not to hide. Not to impress other people. But to make yourself happy. Buy all the bold colors, wear all the animal prints, and don’t worry about blending in. Just be yourself.
I would love to hear what your best tip is for shifting those negative thoughts and making peace with your body!
