MY POSITIVE PLUS SIZE BIRTH STORY

I don’t know when it will become true reality that I made it through five years of infertility, four losses, countless doctors visits, and the biggest emotional rollercoaster of my life to finally bring home our rainbow baby. It is all still very surreal. But I am so excited to share the details of my delivery and put one more positive plus size birth story out into the world.

The feelings and experiences in this post are completely my own and reflect my own past experiences and feelings for myself. All birth is beautiful, and at the end of the day, we all just want to bring home our happy, healthy baby.

I woke up on Sunday morning, Mother’s Day, feeling just beyond shattered. The boys had big plans for me, and while I loved the sentiment, it felt a little daunting to even think about doing brunch. We made a few changes and decided to just grab our favorite bagels and head to Brooklyn for a walk through the park and a trip to the playground.

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Sunday, 12:00 PM
As we were crossing the street out of the park, I felt a big trickle of fluid running down my legs. I stopped in the middle of the intersection and said to Mr. G, “I either peed my pants, or my water broke. Knowing my luck, I peed myself.” I was so hoping that it was my water, but for some reason couldn’t quite get my hopes. Going into labor on Mother’s Day was too much of a coincidence!

We booked it home as quickly as we could, and I hoped my contractions would start. My doctor recommended coming in at six hours post rupture to check-in, and I really wanted things to get going on their own. After spending some time on my birth ball, doing a bit of nipple stimulation with a pump, and taking a shower, I still had zero contractions when it was time to head to the hospital.

I’m not going to lie, but at this point, I was super disappointed. I knew that contractions not getting started on their own meant that I would most likely need to get induced with a Pitocin drip, one thing I was really hoping to avoid. I didn’t have the greatest experience with Pitocin during delivery with my oldest, and I was just super nervous about having another similar birth. I felt like my clock was ticking, and the 24-hour mark that most hospitals abide by was not going to be on my side.

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Sunday, 6:00 PM
When I arrived at the hospital, my doctor checked to be sure that my water did in fact break, and I didn’t pee my pants, despite constant leaking. (I still wouldn’t have been surprised, tbh!) We made a plan together to avoid cervical checks as much as possible to reduce the risk of infection and give me as much time as possible. After chatting through my options, we started a gentle, low, and slow Pitocin drip, in hopes of getting things moving along. I was basically getting induced from zero, so I knew we were in for a waiting game.

Because he didn’t respond well to Pitocin, my doctor strongly encouraged continuous monitoring. I didn’t want to be stuck in bed or have to worry about the monitor moving around, so they hooked me up to this amazing wireless monitor. It was basically six electrode stickers placed on my lower abdomen with medical tape to monitor the baby, my heart rate, and my contractions. It connected via a little Bluetooth battery pouch that got taped to my stomach, as well. It took a few times to place it just right, but once it was on, I had complete freedom of movement. From using the bathroom on my own to bouncing on the ball, and walking around my room.

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Monday, 12:00 AM
After being on the drip for four hours, contractions started to finally kick in. They were coming in quickly at two minutes apart, but very mild and not intense at all. I was able to lay down for a few hours with a peanut ball and get a bit of rest.

Monday, 2:00 AM
My doctor came in for my first check, and I was just praying that I would be dilated to at least four centimeters. But alas, I was barely at three! I was starting to feel a bit of pressure that things weren’t going to go well for me. At my last appointment with my doctor, she had reiterated the fact that they usually only allow 24 hours between water breaking and “next steps”. At this point, my contractions were starting to be very intense, and I could only hope that meant things were going to start moving.

Despite not being very far along, my doctor was so positive! She said since I had to start off as a traditional induction, she was really pleased with my progress and not worried at all. Sometimes birth is slow, even on your second baby.

Monday, 7:00 AM
After being on the Pitocin for 12 hours, I was at the highest dose the hospital generally allows. I was still feeling really good, despite needing to breathe and bear down through each contraction. They were still two minutes apart but never got longer than 45 seconds. They took so much concentration to work through, and I was so exhausted after each one. But I was so proud of myself! I was managing so much better than I did during my first labor, and overall, I felt very in control.

At this point, it was a shift change, and I had another cervical check with the doctor. A whopping four centimeters…. It turned out that baby had moved into a position where he essentially sealed the sac and there was fluid between him and my cervix. Doc thought this could be a reason why things were moving slower and I was dilating properly. She “re-broke” my water, and within 30 minutes, things were significantly more intense.

Monday, 12:00 PM
I was now 24 hours post water breaking and thought it was going to be the end for me. C-section here I come! When my doctor came to check on me, I had a little fall apart. But she made me feel so much better. She said, “You are making progress. Your baby is happy. Both your vitals look great. As long as things continue to move, even slowly, I am happy to let you keep going. Labor can be slow, especially during induction. You can do this.” Queue even more tears of gratitude.

After getting special permission, we upped the Pitocin even higher, and I was barely managing. My contractions were coming in back-to-back waves of three with no break in the middle. I would get maybe a minute or two between the set of three to recover before immediately having another wave. I was puking during that third contraction every time, as it was too intense to handle, and I was feeling very overwhelmed.

I really wanted to avoid an epidural based on my past experience. I had hated my epidural with my oldest, as it made me feel completely numb and out of control of my labor. But at this point, I knew I needed to either have made serious progress or that I needed pain relief.

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Monday, 2:00 PM
Time for another cervical check! Before the doctor came in, I told Mr. G, “I swear to God, if I am only at a six or seven, I will cry.” Guess where I was at. Six. Whomp whomp. I knew I wouldn’t be able to continue coping and have enough energy and spirit to push at this rate. It was time to call in the big guns, aka the anesthesiologist!

You head all of these horror stories about fat people and problems with epidural placement, and the anesthesiologist I had with my oldest did not excel in bedside manner. I was a little nervous that it would be a similar experience, but my doctor came in and rocked my world in the best way possible. He was so confident, kind, and placed my epidural with zero issues within five minutes. The dude was a PRO!

Within 20 minutes of placement, I was feeling much more comfortable and eternally grateful. I could still feel some pressure and tightening during each contraction, but none of the intense pain from before.

Monday, 5:00 PM
Unfortunately, my epidural did stall things a bit. My contractions started to get quite spaced out, to like four minutes apart. So, another round of special permissions to up the PItocin yet again, and we were back on the road! The contractions yet again got really intense, came in waves, and my epidural couldn’t even match them without getting an extra top-up from the anesthesiologist.

I know at this point, this may not necessarily sound like some dreamy, spiritual birth, but I just have to reiterate how great things were going due to the support I had from my doctors. I felt so empowered, with zero pressure, and like I could really do it.

Monday, 8:00 PM
It had now been eight hours without a cervical check, and it was time to see if things were still moving forward. I was doing really well, managing contractions with the help of my epidural. I loved that I could still feel each one but didn’t have to struggle with the full amount of pain. Highly recommend chatting with your anesthesiologist about your expectations around how you want your epidural to work!

I was hoping to be at an eight when my doctor checked me, but I was actually at THIRTEEN centimeters! What?! I was so surprised. I had felt lots of pressure, but no desire to push yet. But it was go time, either way. They prepped the room for delivery, turned off all the lights but a few they needed, and it was just me, Mr. G, my doctor, and my nurse. It was quiet, peaceful, and my doctor gave me complete control. There was a large, reflective glass on the opposite side of the room, and I was able to watch while I pushed!

They had turned off the Pitocin drip, and my contractions were almost none existent. Few and far between. But when they did come, it was totally up to me when to push, when to start going, and how long to push for. My doctor gave me some guidance but reminded me that this was all just my baby and me, working together.

Because of the slowed contractions, it took some time to move him down, but once he crowned, it was just one push for his head to come out. He immediately started crying with just his head out! Before I could push again, he pushed his own first up and out with a shoulder, and on my next push, he came fully out. They immediately placed him on my chest, and I just cried.

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He was so perfect, and I was so proud. Within minutes, he was already rooting around and latched right away. Pure magic! Those last 45 minutes of labor were truly some of my most empowering moments. I felt so care for. So in control. And so strong.

During my entire labor, I was never once made to feel like I wouldn’t be able to rock my birth and labor. That my size would inhibit me from any care or services the hospital provided. I always felt cared for and never felt like I was being stigmatized because of my weight.

There is so much stigma around plus size pregnancy and birth. Even more so when interventions are needed and used. I had so much fear during my pregnancy surrounding birth. I picked my care providers very carefully, and know I couldn’t have had the experience I did without them. They trusted in me, and I trusted in them. And together, I was able to have the best experience I could have while safely bringing my baby home.