I really can’t believe I am finally writing this post. It all seems incredibly surreal, and I am still a little bit in denial. I. Am. Pregnant. Wow.
I have shared a bit about our journey with infertility before, but I wanted to have a place to document what went into creating this baby. I know I won’t ever be able to talk about it without getting choked up, and I think the story deserves space. It took four and a half years, multiple losses, sixty-seven pelvic exams, countless medications, and thousands of dollars, but the entire process has been worth it.
A bit before Marcus turned two, Mr G and I decided to say, what the heck. Let’s go for a second! What do we have to lose? There is never a perfect time to have a baby, and I always dreamed of having my kids close together.
We got pregnant quickly with Marcus, so I naively assumed my second pregnancy would go the same. Easy peasy. Things didn’t go as planned, and two years into trying on our own and two miscarriages, I finally made my first appointment with a fertility doctor.
It took a while to find a care provider that was supportive of me trying to get pregnant while plus size. We hopped around at a few different clinics, trying to find a doctor we meshed with. We were focusing on IUI, as I had gotten pregnant on my own before, despite losing those pregnancies. After four tries, I got the happy news that I was pregnant in January 2020. I was SO EXCITED.
Unfortunately, that pregnancy didn’t progress beyond nine weeks. For some reason, this miscarriage was the hardest of all three. I had tried so hard not to get my hopes up, but I was still beyond devastated.
Queue Covid 19 rocking NYC in March, and the entire city going into lockdown. My fertility clinic closed with no reopening date and after such a huge loss, I was ok to take a bit of a break. I was angry at my body, God, and the entire world for making me wait four years for something I so desperately wanted. Not only for myself but for my husband and my son.
As summer went on, and things began to open up, I felt like I was ready to start trying again. (This always sounds funny to me. Because if you have gone through infertility, there is never a month without “trying.” You can pretend to not track, that you aren’t using drugs, or that you aren’t focusing on it, but after years of learning every little tick of your body, it is impossible to NOT try or think about it, even in the off months.) I decided to switch clinics, get a completely fresh start, and a new set of doctors.
Up until this point, I had only been taking a high dose of Letrozole and using an HCG trigger shot for each IUI. My new doctor recommended we move to Letrozole, estrogen patches, and Lupron instead, just to mix things up a bit. This did me in. That Lurpon is NO joke, and I have never felt worse during a fertility cycle.
After two more failed IUI rounds, we knew the time had come for IVF. I was terrified of the process, the cost, and the impact it would have on my body and my emotions. As we waited for insurance approval, my doctor suggested we give IUI one last shot, as he didn’t want to have a lost month of trying.
I had ZERO hope in it working and resented every trip to the clinic that month. It was August and so hot and gross in the city, and I was just empty after feeling like I had failed for so long.
A few days before my appointment was scheduled for blood work to know if our IUI had worked, I started bleeding. Not heavy, but enough to make me believe my period was most definitely starting. Until it stopped.
The day before I went to my clinic, I had to take a test. I couldn’t walk in there not knowing what the outcome was going to be. I needed to be prepared emotionally when I got the call. Low and behold, a straight up positive!
I know most women end up taking multiple tests because they just can’t believe it, but I never took another test after that first one. I was too scared that I would end up with a negative, and I couldn’t chance it.
Ever since I have been holding my breath. Praying and hoping that everything goes according to plan. The first trimester has not been easy and an epic roller coaster to say the very least, and I’m sure I will share more with you all about it soon.
Thank you for all the love. I am so grateful to all of the mommas on the other side of their fertility journey who lifted me up when I was at my lowest. I hope I can continue to do that for the mamas who are still waiting. Infertility may be the worst club to be a part of, but it sure does have the best members.
Elizabeth says
The happiest news I have heard of in a long time. You inspire me ❤️
Annette Bahn says
Maddy, I’m so over the moon happy for you and your family!!! Sending lots of love all the way from Texas 🥰
Katy says
Over the moon for you all!
How exciting!!!
Madison says
So incredibly happy for your family! There is a woman named Jenica Parcell in Utah who started an infertility support group page called Slice of Sun! May be a good thing to share with other followers going through infertility. She also raises money to provide grants for women that need money for IVF and IUIs!
Sharon says
Congratulations!! I’m so excited for you and your beautiful growing family!!
Steph says
So so so happy for you! Congratulations ❤️
Kirstin says
Congratulations, sweet family! ❤️
Jamie says
That is one special baby joining one special family!! ❤️
Madeline Gutierrez says
We are so excited <3
Diana says
I am so over the moon excited for you! Congrats!
Madeline Gutierrez says
Thank you so much!
Sophie says
So so happy for you and your lovely family. Now is time to relax and enjoy every moment , Mama !
Madeline Gutierrez says
That is the plan! <3 Thank you!
Sara says
Maddy!!!! I have never been so happy to hear someone’s pregnancy announcement as I am to hear yours!! Congratulations! I am so happy for you! Sending you positive vibes for a happy and healthy pregnancy and baby!
Madeline Gutierrez says
Thanks, Sara! <3 <3
Holly C. says
Your face is literally glowing! I am so, so happy for you all:) In one of your recent stories I was thinking that you seemed real relaxed, and happy & content. I wondered if something might be going on! Congratulations!!🎈💙💗🎈
Madeline Gutierrez says
Thank you so much!!
Steph says
I am honestly crying for you!!! So happy, I randomly weirdly/not weirdly thought about you being pregnant a few weeks ago. You bring me so much joy and hope for hopefully my future pregnancy journey ♥️
Madeline Gutierrez says
You’re so kind! <3 THank you so much!
Megan says
YAY!!! So happy for you guys!!
Madeline Gutierrez says
Thanks, Megan!
Kristi McElroy says
Oh Maddy! Tears of joy for you all!! I’m SO happy for you!! Praying for a smooth pregnancy and a healthy, sweet little one ♥️
Madeline Gutierrez says
Thanks so much, Kristi!
Terra says
Congratulations! What beautiful photos to have of the memory of sharing it too!
Madeline Gutierrez says
Thanks, Terra! We are excited!
Sandy says
I am beyond happy for all of you! Congrats! Enjoy every moment! 💜
Madeline Gutierrez says
Thank you so much!
Carol says
I am so doggone happy for all of you!
Madeline Gutierrez says
Awe, Carol! Thank you so much!
Tonya McLane says
Congratulations. So happy for you❤️
Madeline Gutierrez says
Thanks, Tonya!
Kalynda says
Congratulations! I’m so happy for you!!!
Madeline Gutierrez says
Thank you so much!!
Alexis says
Maddy! I am so so happy for you. I know it’s been a long ordeal and so hard for you and your family, and I’m so excited you finally have good news. You deserve it! Congratulations! 💜
Madeline Gutierrez says
THank you so much, Alexis! <3
Diane says
God is good and He will, give you your hearts desires at the perfect timing. Continue to enjoy the pregnancy. God keep you and bless your new addition.
Madeline Gutierrez says
Thanks, Diane!
Carla says
Maddy, congrats!! I’m so happy for you and your family. I can’t think of anyone more deserving. I literally squealed when I read your post. I can’t wait to follow along. Big hugs!
Madeline Gutierrez says
Thank you so much! We are all excited!
Amy says
I’m so happy for you and your family! Thank you for sharing what you feel comfortable sharing. Sending you love and light and hoping you have a smooth pregnancy and are able to enjoy it as much as possible. I’m sure there’s an added level of emotional stress after going through so much to get to this point but hopefully not so much stress that you are still able to bask in the parts of pregnancy that you enjoy. Big hugs to you all! Such exciting news!!!
Kate Jaco says
What a journey your family has been on to welcome this little one into it. I’m so excited for yall. Congratulations!
Madeline Gutierrez says
Thank you so so much! <3
Madeline Gutierrez says
Thank you so much, Amy! You are so right! <3
Bethany says
I am so SO happy for you! Been hoping and praying for this for you and your family! Congratulations!
Madeline Gutierrez says
Thank you!!!
Heather says
Maddy, I am so overjoyed for the three of you and have been cheering you on for so long. I am so glad that you finally get to feel this excitement and joy and can’t wait to see Marcus become the best big brother! Thank you for sharing your long and arduous journey with us, even when days were dark and things are hard. This great news couldn’t have happened to a better person!
Madeline Gutierrez says
He couldn’t be more excited!
Jenn R says
So very happy for you.. congratulations!!
Madeline Gutierrez says
Thank you, Jenn!
Suzanna says
So, so, incredibly excited for you!
Madeline Gutierrez says
Thank you so much!!!
LizF says
I legit teared up when I saw your post. Gosh, I am thrilled for your family. Wishing you all the best 💖
Madeline Gutierrez says
Awwwwe! Thanks, Liz!
Katy says
OOOOOOO
MMMMMMMM
GGGGGGEEEEEEEE
I’ve never been so excited to read a pregnancy announcement from someone on the internet. Congratulations! This is incredible news. Can’t wait to hear more about it allll!
P.S. it’s interesting to hear of someone else getting pregnant easily witn #1, and struggling with subsequent pregnancies. I experienced similar difficulties and it’s like a smack in the face!
Congrats again! ❤️❤️
Madeline Gutierrez says
hahaha, thanks, Katy! You are the best!
Courtney says
So so happy for you Maddy! This is such great news.
Madeline Gutierrez says
Thanks, girl!